Thanksgiving Day Jokes As Thanksgiving approaches, we wanted to share a few more with you. We hope you enjoy. The list was taken from the Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes. If you enjoy these jokes, check out the Top Holiday Jokes page!
Since we established ourselves in the South Shore area, we would like to start with a joke from the Plymouth, Massachusetts area.
Thanksgiving Day Jokes
Thanksgiving joke on Octopus and Turkey
Q: How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey? A: Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze
About two weeks into November, one turkey turns to his pal and says, “I have a feeling something’s going down. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Funny Joke on Thanksgiving and Turkey
Q: Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving? A: I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Q: Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
A: It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
Q: Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
A: Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
You think you’re crazy about Thanksgiving?
You’ve got nothing on the turkeys. When Thanksgiving approaches, they literally lose their heads!
Thanksgiving joke on pumpkin pie
Q: Can you tell the difference between a female and a male turkey?
A: The male is the one with the TV remote.
Q: What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Thanksgiving breakfast.
Q: What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
A: They turn into blueberries.
Thanksgiving Dinner Joke image showing a chef carrying a turkey roast
Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: He was very thinkful.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy answered, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Q: Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
A: Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
Q: What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A Har-VEST
Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
A: They use fowl language
Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he’s already stuffed
Q: What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
A: He had an arrow escape
Q: Why did the police arrest the turkey?
A: They suspected it of fowl play
Q: What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A: If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!
Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A: Because he had the drumsticks
Q: What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
A: Plymouth Rock
Q: What happened to the turkey who got into a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: If a large turkey is called a gobbler, what is a small one called?
Q: What was the turkey arrested for?
A: Fowl play
Q: What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?
Q: Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive?
A: It contained 24 carrots
Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn?
A: Where’s popcorn?
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A: A turkey that can pluck itself
Q: What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The tur-KEY
Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
A: Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Q: What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey trot
Q: What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?
A: They know what it’s like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed!
Q: What did the woman tell the turkey about men?
A: “Don’t worry, they only love us for our breasts too”
Q: If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
A: Their age!
Q: What’s the best way to stuff a turkey?
A: Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Q: What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
A: Wing! Wing!
Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit?
A: A poultry-geist
Some Very Funny Thanksgiving Day Jokes
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Why did none of the Pilgrims want to be in charge of making the bread?
Answer: Everyone knew it was the crummiest job.
Why was the turkey kicked off the baseball team?
Answer: He always hit fowl balls.
What is the key to a perfect Thanksgiving?
Answer: A turKEY
Why did the turkey skip dessert?
Answer: He was already stuffed.
Why was the turkey arrested and put in jail?
Answer: The police had evidence he engaged in fowl play.
What did the turkey say to the man hunting turkeys?
What is the kindest vegetable you will ever come across?
Answer: A sweet potato
What instrument did the turkey play in his band?
Answer: The drums, because he already had drumsticks.
What was the Pilgrim’s favorite genre of music?
Answer: Plymouth Rock
Thanksgiving Jokes For Adults
One Thanksgiving, a man walks into his house with a turkey under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, “This is the pig I’ve been having sex with.”
His wife says, “That’s a turkey.”
The man replies, “I wasn’t talking to you.”
A man goes to his girlfriend’s parent’s house for Thanksgiving.
He’s really nervous as this is his first time meeting her family and he’s not sure what to expect. In fact, he’s so nervous that it’s giving him gas.
While they’re sitting there watching TV in the family room it isn’t so bad because the the football game is on and it’s kind of loud. Also, the parent’s big old dog Harold is licking his balls and everyone can hear that. So he can sit there and fart into the couch without anyone hearing a thing.
But then everybody gets called into the dining room and he still has really bad gas, though he relaxes a little when the dog moves under the table to continue licking his balls.
After a while he just can’t hold it in anymore and to his horror the fart comes out with enough force to rattle the silverware. Nobody says anything for a moment before the mom yells, “HAROLD! Get out of there.”
The dog slowly comes out from under the table and goes back to the living room.
The guy is amazed as everybody goes back to eating and talking, they think the dog did it.
A little while later he feels another fart coming, bigger than the first. He looks around and realizes the dog is back under the table licking its balls again. So he relaxes and lets the gas go. This one shakes the table so hard some of the silverware falls off.
Everyone is quiet. Then, the mom again yells, “HAROLD, get out of there!”
The dog obediently goes back to the living room. 20 minutes pass and they are about to start on dessert when he feels the mother of all farts trying to punch its way through his colon. He’s really stressed but a quick glance confirms the dog is back under the table!
Feeling confident he just lets it free. It shakes the silverware. It shakes the table. It shakes the windows. And suddenly everything is quiet. Until the mom yells, “DAMMIT, HAROLD. Get out from under that table right now before he shits on you!”
Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years.
Each and every morning of those 15 years, Bob has woken up, farted loudly and proudly, rolled over onto his back and got out of bed to go to work.
And each and every morning for those 15 years, Martha has said to him disgustedly, “One of these days, you’re gonna fart your guts out!” But this has had no effect on Bob as he has continued merrily with his routine each morning.
Martha is totally fed up with this and then one Thanksgiving morning when she got up early to get things ready, she got an idea while preparing the turkey.
Before Bob got up, she crept upstairs and placed the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself as she did so.
A little later that morning, Bob woke up and went through his usual morning ritual with glee. Martha heard a scream as Bob jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.
She laughed to herself, but when Bob didn’t reappear from the bathroom for a long time she started to get concerned.
So she ran upstairs, and was just about to knock on the bathroom door, when Bob opened it and came out, pale as a ghost.
He said, “You were right, honey, you were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again.”
What do rednecks do for Thanksgiving?
A boy is invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his girlfriend’s parent’s house so that they can meet him.
They’ve been together a while but haven’t had sex yet.
His girlfriend tells him that after he meets her parents they can “get intimate”. So in preparation, he decides to get some condoms at the local pharmacy.
As this will be his first time, he doesn’t know anything about condoms and so he asks the pharmacist what he should buy.
The pharmacist explains all about the differences between the brands and after a long chat the boy decides on a large box of “ribbed for her pleasure”.
The time comes for the Thanksgiving dinner and the young couple are seated at the dinner table with the girl’s parents.
The girl is surprised to see the boy has his head bowed down apparently deep in prayer.
She whispers to him, “I didn’t know you were so religious!”
He whispers back, “I didn’t know your father was a pharmacist.”
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
We’d eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
A couple were driving home from Thanksgiving dinner at their friend’s house when they hit a skunk. The wife jumped out of the car and was relieved to find the skunk wounded but alive.
She picked it up and took it back to the car saying to her husband, “We need to take it to a vet. It’s shivering; it must be cold, what should I do?”
Her husband replied, “Put it between your legs to keep it warm.”
“But it stinks!” she said.
“So hold its nose!”
This woman was lonely as Thanksgiving was approaching. She didn’t want to celebrate alone and fancied a bit of adventure, so she posted an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Looking for man to share Thanksgiving with these qualifications: Won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, is great in bed.”
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but none of the men who called took her fancy.
Then one day her doorbell rang. When she opened the door, there was a man there with no arms and no legs.
He said, “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.”
So the woman asked, “What makes you think you’re great in bed?”
Bob replied, “I rang the door bell, didn’t I?”
What does a stripper eat for Thanksgiving dinner?
Wives are like Thanksgiving turkeys …
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.