Sex Jokes – A collection of new and old dirty adult jokes that will put a cheeky smile on your face.
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong …
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.
Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Life is sexually transmitted.
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can’t prove it.
Does time fly when you’re having sex or was it really just one minute?
Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn’t close his casket.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn’t have time.
I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag. I said “nah, I’ll just turn the lights off.”
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Funny Sex Jokes
Sex jokes are always popular. Let’s face it we all have dirty minds and so we find dirty jokes about sex funny.
And so to satisfy your lust for them, we’ve gathered together all our favorite funny sex jokes.
We hope you have as much fun reading them as we did collecting them!
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”
I think I’ll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage.
Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!
I just found an origami porn channel, but it is paper view only.
What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
My neighbor obviously doesn’t watch porn, she asked me to fix her sink 2 hours ago and I’m still fixing her sink.
What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”? About three inches.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex? Micro trans-action.
What is the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your mom can’t take a joke.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.
Best Sex Jokes
A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of Jagermeister.
The bartender says, “Wow, that’s a lot. Are you celebrating?”
The man replies, “Yes! My first blowjob!”
The bartender says, “Oh, congratulations! But if you don’t mind me asking, why ten shots?”
The man says, “If that won’t get the taste out, nothing will.”
A man walks into a bar.
As he sits down at the bar a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.
The man looks up at the menu above the bar and sees that it says, “Hot dog $2, Cheese burger $5, Hand job $10”.
He asks the waitress, “Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”
She winks and replies, “Why yes I am”.
The man says, “Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger”.
Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it’s 20% off.
Doctor: “I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating.”
Man: “Oh my God, doc! Why?!?”
Doctor: “I’m trying to examine you.”
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can just keep the tip.
Just gonna have a quick nap because I heard you can sleep your way to the top.
Masturbation always leads to sex. It’s a gateway tug.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they’re 100% off,
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.
That awkward moment when you’re about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A cucumber.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used.
But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.
Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters.
What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said “I shaved my pussy, you know what that means? I said “yeah, the drain is clogged again. ”
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”.