Pirate Jokes A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, Make the entire ocean into rum! The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances
Pat: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Jerry: I don’t know. What?
Pat: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, How did you get that?
The pirate said, Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.
The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked, How did you get that?
The pirate said: Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.
The sailor pointed to the pirate’s eye patch and asked, How did you get that?
The pirate said, Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.
The sailor said, That’s not as impressive as the other two. …
Aye, the pirate answered. It was me first day with the hook.
Tyler: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
Ryan: A buccaneer.
A book never written: Pirate Gold by Barry D. Treasure.
Jim: Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
Bo: I haven’t a clue.
Jim: Because they spend years at C!
A book never written: Pirate Treasure by Barry Moore.
Max: What did one pirate say to the other?
Max: I sea you!
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.
Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there?
I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!
What do you mean? the pirate replies, I’m fine.
The bartender says, But what about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.
Well, says the pirate, We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.
Yeah, says the bartender, But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.
Well, says the pirate, We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.
Oh, says the bartender, What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.
Well, says the pirate, One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.
So? replied the bartender, what happened? You couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird shit!
Well, says the pirate, I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.
Q: What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
A: Shiver me timbers!
So, there’s this pirate ship in the midst of a long voyage. The men have grown terribly bored. A pirate amongst them happens to know a bunch of magic tricks, and he decides to put on a magic show. His parrot, however, is quite gossipy and can’t keep it’s mouth shut
The pirate begins his first trick, and the parrot gives it away by saying rawwk, the coin is in the other hand, rawwk!
Frustrated, the pirate tries another trick, but again, the parrot gives it away by blurting out rawwk, look under the table, rawwk!
This goes on for some time, to a point that the pirate can’t manage to perform anything spectacular to entertain the crew. His anger towards his blabbermouth parrot eventually grows so phenomenal that one night he gets very drunk and accidentally crashes the ship into some rocks.
Sobering up the next morning, he finds himself adrift on some wreckage. The parrot, ever the attentive sidekick, happens to land next to him looking quite puzzled. It says to him:
Rawwk, Okay, I give up, What’d ya do with the boat?
Q: What do Jewish Pirates say?
A: Ahoy vey!
Q: Why did the pirate buy an eyepatch?
A: Because he didn’t have enough money for an iPad!!!
Pirates get a bad rep. They’re not all bad.Granted, they’re not saints, but many have been cannonized!!
Q: How do pirates pay for a round o’ rum down at the pub?
A: With Bar-Nickels!
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite element?
A: Aye. Ye might say aarrrrgon, but no, it’s the element of surprise!
As a child, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
A: You think it’s the RRRRR, but it’s the C that they’re in love with!
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: Now yee’ve done it!! Now we’re goon to have to pee in the boat!
They say that pirates are real tough. So tough, that they don’t ever cry! But…
That’s not true. They do cry, but when they do, it’s a private tear!
Q: What happened when Bluebeard the Pirate fell into the Red Sea?
A: He got Marooned!
Q: What do you call a stupid pirate?
A: The pillage idiot!
Did you know 3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates?
A pirate had a parrot that wouldn’t stop swearing. He tried everything. Finally one day, when the parrot started swearing, he threw it into the freezer and left it there for over an hour.
Finally, the pirate retrieved his parrot from the freezer. The parrot came out, shaken, and said I promise, I’ll be good from now on. But, I have just one question… What did the turkey do?????
I hope you enjoyed the jokes. Now where did I put my keys? Oh, that’s right. I left them off the coast of Florida.
Funny Pirate Jokes For Adults
Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A: Aye to aye!
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail.
How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced? a buck an ear
How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
Pirate pick up lines:
– Oh you make my Roger Jolly!
– Is that a wooden leg or are you that happy to see me?
– Do you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?
– Care to do some booty plundering with me?
– Surrender your booty!
A pirate has stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad, constantly swearing and refusing to behave.
Finally the ex-pirate had enough of it.
When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in the freezer for five minutes.
When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and said: “I promise I’ll be good now, John, no swearing! Just a question – what on Earth did the turkey do?”
How do pirates communicate with each other?
With an Aye phone.
But aye to aye is always best.
Q: How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
A: By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
A: P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.
Q: What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes?
A: A iiiirate.
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite movie?
A: Booty and the Beast. (But it is arr-rated.)
Q: What happened to the pirate when his wooden leg caught fire?
A: He got burned to the ground.
Q: Where do pirates put their weapons?
A: In their enemies.
Dirty Pirate Jokes
“Aye Captain,” the first mate answered, “I be fine, I’ve been through hard ships before!”
Dad, what is a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
How does a pirate find out what day it is?
He looks at his Calendarrrrr.
What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
Why do pirates wear eye patches?
They can’t afford an iPad!
What’s a pirate’s favorite class?
A pirate walks into a pub on the mainland with an enormous rainbow feathered parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep stares at the rather intimidating bird until he finally gathers enough courage to ask the pirate about it. He points at the pirate and says, “Where did you get that?”
“Pirate Bay,” the parrot answers, “the place is filled to the brim with ’em!”
How did the pirate get his ship so cheaply?
It was on sail.
How did the pirate know his parrot was in love with a duck?
The parrot said, “Polly wanna Quacker.”
How much does it cost a pirate to get earrings?
What does a pirate wear at Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.
What kind of socks does a pirate wear?
Why can’t you take a picture of a pirate with a wooden leg?
Because a wooden leg can’t take pictures!
What do you call a pirate who skips class?