Looking for some funny lame jokes? These jokes might sound lame just like the title signifies, but believe me, they will definitely crack you up, don’t forget to contribute your own jokes in the comment section below.lame jokes
1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night… One was assaulted.
2. A termite walks into a bar room and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
3. “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
4. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
5. Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.
6. What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic
7. What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
8. What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit? A bad hare day.
9. What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
10. What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.
11. Why can’t a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
12. Famous last words of a mafia hitman: “Who put the violin in the violin case?”
13. How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
14. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
15. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung.
16. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? That’s because he hides well.
17. Where do kings keep their armies? In their sleevies.
18. Why don’t anteaters get sick? Because they’re full of anty-bodies.
19. What do you call a pop star who makes honey?Bee-yonce!
20. What did the British cereal say?Cheerio!
21. Why didn’t the guy mow his yard?Cause he only had 2 feet!
22. Why did the chicken fall in the well?He couldn’t see that well.
23. How do you catch a squirrel?You climb up a tree and act like a nut!
24. Why was the stadium so cold?Because there were a lot of fans.
25. How did Sir Cumference get so round?Too much pi!!
26. Why are horses the best farm animals at dancing?Because they know how to neigh-neigh!
27. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
28. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?A stick.
29. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?You search for fresh prints!
30. What kind of bagel can fly?A plain bagel.
31. How do you cut the sea in half?With a sea saw.
32. “This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”
33. What do a base ball team and a pancake have in common?They both need a good batter.
34. What is the slipperiest country in the world?Greece!
35. Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
36. Why do cemeteries have walls?Because people are dying to get in!
37. A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a drink?” The bartender says, “for you? No charge”
38. What kind of PC can sing really great?A Dell
39. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?A thesaurus.
40. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
More lame jokes
41. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?Because he was a little shellfish.
42. What do you call a broken angle?A rektangle!
43. What did the hat say to the tie?You hang here, I’ll go on a head!
44. Wanna hear a long joke? JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKE
45. Why can’t pirates finish the alphabet? because they got lost at C!
46. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
47. Why doesn’t Pacman use Twitter?He doesn’t like being followed.
48. Why are frogs so happy?They eat whatever bugs them!
49. what do you call an apple that falls on your head?a fruit punch
50. 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Really Lame Jokes – Lame But Funny Jokes – Best Lame Jokes
51. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
52. Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store.
53. I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.
54. Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back.Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
55. Need an ark? I Noah guy.
56. Doctor Doctor! I’ve broken my arms in several places!Doctor: Well don’t go to those places anymore!
57. What do you call a lost wolf?A where-wolf!
58. What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?Canabananalism
59. How does a train eat?It goes “chew chew!”
60. Why can’t a bike stand up on it’s own?Because it’s two tired.
61. How did Harry potter get down the hill?He walked… JK Rowling
62. What do you call an alligator that reads maps?A navigator.
63. I was going to tell a dubstep joke, but I dropped it.
64. What do you call a shoe made from a banana?A slipper.
65. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
66. Do you want to hear a long joke?jooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeee
67. What do you call a car that everyone can buy?Afford
68. What did one wall say to the other?Meet you at the corner.
69. What does a clock do when it’s hungry?It goes back four seconds.
70. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?Pumpkin
71. What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed?I don’t wanna be Obama self.
72. I had a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
73. What do you call cheese that hasn’t been shredded yet? Ungrateful
74. What is a rock group with four members that don’t sing?Mount Rushmore!
75. Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?It said concentrate.
76. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
77. I cut my finger chopping cheese, but honestly I think I may have grater problems.
78. Why do people carry umbrellas?Because umbrellas can’t walk.
79. hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
80. What is the definition of a good farmer?A man outstanding in his field!