Best Clean Funny Jokes

Funny Clean Jokes

Clean Funny Jokes Who said that clean jokes can’t be funny? We can prove you wrong because we have made a compilation of clean and yet funny jokes. Nevertheless, these jokes are healthy and good for both the young and old and even the kids. Some of these jokes can teach you good things as well as make you laugh. These are funny and clean

jokes that you can say at any time at any time and anywhere without the fear of abusing or insulting someone unknowingly. Enjoy our list of funny clean jokes, we hope you’ll find them interesting.

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes

Clean Funny Jokes

  1. Q: Did you hear about the painter who was

hospitalized?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes.

  1. Q: Why did the robber take a bath?

A: Because he wanted to make

  1. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?

A: You’re dyslexic

  1. Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?

A: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!

  1. Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?

A: To draw the curtains!

  1. Q: What do you call a frozen dog?

A: A pupsicle.

  1. Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
  2. You go on ahead and I’ll hang around
  3. Q: What washes up on very small beaches?

A: Microwaves!

  1. Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but

doesn’t move?

A: The road!

  1. Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?

A: Because she couldn’t control her pupils

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes
  1. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?

A: A Clausterphobic

  1. Q: What three candies can you find in every school?

A: Nerds, DumDums, and Smarties.

  1. Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the

world?

A: A stamp.

  1. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a

nose?

A: Nobody nose.

  1. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?

A: Because it had a virus!

  1. Q: What do you call a computer that sings?

A: A-Dell

  1. Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in

Jamaica?

A: It’s dread-full.

  1. Q: How do you make a tissue dance?

A: Put a little boogey in it!

  1. Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake?

A: He just flipped.

  1. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?

A: Cell phones.

  1. Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?

A: Beef Jerky.

  1. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?

A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of

the street!

  1. Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?

A: I think I’m coming down with something!

  1. Q: What do you call a window that raps?

A: 2PANEZ

  1. Q: “How do you shoot a killer bee?”

A: “With a bee-bee gun.”

  1. Q: How do you drown a Hipster?

A: In the mainstream.

 

  1. Q: What kind of jokes do yo

A: Clean Jokes!

  1. Q: What does a nosey pepper do?

A: Gets jalapeno business!

  1. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An Impasta

  1. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

A: An Investigator

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes

Clean Good Jokes

  1. Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the

window?

A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

  1. Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?

A: When you’re eating a watermelon!

  1. Q: What did the tailor think of her new job?

A: It was sew-sew.

  1. Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a

computer?

A: The Spacebar!

  1. Q: What exam do young witches have to pass?

A: A spell-ing test!

  1. Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and no

legs?

A: A cloud!

  1. Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of

bricks?

A: Neither, they both weigh a ton!

  1. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a

bath?

A: She still hasn’t gotten all the hair off her tongue.

  1. Q: What has one horn and gives milk

A: A milk truck.

 

  1. Q: What concert costs 45 cents?

A: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

  1. Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May.

  1. Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?

A: To get a root canal.

  1. Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?

A: Because you dribble on the floor!

  1. Q: How do you communicate with a fish?

A: Drop him a line!

  1. Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts?

A: To the Baa Baa shop!

  1. Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?

A: Sneakers.

  1. Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the

game?

A: So he could tie the score.

 

  1. Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?

A: They both depend on the batter.

  1. Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?

A: Tomato Paste!

  1. Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A: Because his parents were in a jam!

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes
  1. Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A: Patty!

  1. Q: Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a

beard?

A: A barber.

  1. Q: What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race?

A: Sherbet

  1. Q: What do you call a dentist in the army?

A: A drill sergeant

  1. Q: What do you get when you plant kisses?

A: Tu-lips (two-lips)

 

  1. Q: What did the daddy chimney say to the baby

chimney?

A: You are to little to smoke!

  1. Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad?

A: Transparents

  1. Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?

A: Show me the honey!

  1. Q: What did the man say to the wall?

A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!

  1. Q: What do you get when yo
  2. Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser?

A: She dyed.

  1. Q: What do you call a musician with problems?

A: a trebled man.

  1. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?

A: Sunday, of course!

  1. Q: Which building is the largest?

A: The library, because it has the most stories.

 

  1. Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?

A: Toad.

  1. Q: What do you call a very religious person that sleep

walks?

A: A Roman Catholic

  1. Q: Did you hear about the crab that went to the

seafood disco?

A: He pulled a muscle

  1. Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?

A: He got to the root of every case.

  1. Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other?

A: They don’t have the guts.

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes
  1. Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours?

A: Nacho Cheese

  1. Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?

A: Dead ends!

  1. Q: What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?

A: Trouble

 

  1. Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.

  1. Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?

A: Flood lights!

  1. Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?

A: Because he wanted to work over-time!

  1. Q: Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary?

A: Because it runs through your jeans. What would you

do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police

  1. Q: What do you call a South American girl who is

always in a hurry?

A: Urgent Tina

  1. Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?

A: Its easier than walking!

  1. Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey!

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes

Clean Jokes For Adults

 

  1. Q: Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went

round biting people’s arms off?

A: It was a vicious cycle.

  1. Q: What do you call leftover aliens?

A: Extra Terrestrials.

  1. Q: What’s taken before you get it?

A: Your picture.

  1. Q: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea

soup?

A: You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!

  1. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?

A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

  1. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a

fish?”

A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

  1. Q: What do you call a baby monkey?

A: A Chimp off the old block.

 

  1. Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

A: I kneed you.

  1. Q: Why did the picture go to jail?

A: Because it was framed.

  1. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark?

A: A yardvark!

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes
  1. Q: What’s the first bet that most people make in their

lives?

A: The alpha bet

  1. Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a

duck?

  1. Milk and quackers!
  2. Q: How do you organize a space party?

A: You planet!

  1. Q: Why do fish live in salt water?

A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!

  1. Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A: He wanted cold hard cash!

 

  1. Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with

a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

  1. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?

A: A Bed

  1. Q: What is the difference between a school teacher

and a train?

A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says

“chew chew chew”.

  1. Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital?

A: To get a tweetment.

  1. Q: What did Delaware?

A: A New Jersey

  1. Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune?

A: Because he couldn’t find a date!

  1. Q: What did the little mountain say to the big

mountain?

A: Hi Cliff!

 

  1. Q: What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a

scoop of ice cream?

A: Depeche a la Mode.

  1. Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?

A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be

bagels!

  1. Q: What dog keeps the best time?

A: A watch dog.

  1. Q: What did the penny say to the other penny?

A: We make perfect cents.

  1. Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?

A: To get to the second hand shop.

  1. Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow

before he went to sleep?

A: So he could have sweet dreams.

  1. Q: What happens if life gives you melons?

A: Your dyslexic

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes
  1. Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?

A: My plop is bigger than your plop.

  1. Q: Why did the balloon burst

A: Because is saw a lolly pop

  1. Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?

A: “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each “s”!

  1. Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden

wheels and wooden engine?

A: It wooden go!

  1. Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?

A: The month of March!

  1. Q: Whens the best time to go to the dentist?

A: Tooth-hurty

  1. Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other

aspiring wig?

A: I wanna get a head!

  1. Q: Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat

store?

 

A: It was quite an oar deal.

  1. Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

A: A private tutor.

  1. Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?

A: Bare-foot.

  1. Q: What can you serve but never eat?

A: A volleyball.

Funny Clean Short Jokes

  1. Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?

A: Because he’s always spotted!

  1. Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?

A: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

  1. Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a

lemon?

A: A sour puss!

 

  1. Q: What runs but can’t walk?

A: The faucet!

  1. Q: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?

A: A water bed!

Clean Funny Jokes
Clean Funny Jokes

Really Funny Clean Jokes.

Police officer talks to a driver: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be 300 dollars.

Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

 

 

  1. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?

  1. They can’t stand fast food.

Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“

Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”

A guest calls the waiter and complains, “How come there are no chairs at our table?!”

The waiter shrugs, “I’m sorry but you only booked one table…”

Optimist: The glass is half full.

 

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.

 

Mother: Why didn’t you use a coaster!

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.

I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.

I went today, but not one person would stroke me.

I forgot my cell phone when I went to the toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.

How many gorillas can fit into a car?

 

Eight.

 

How many chickens can fit into the car?

 

None, the car is already full of gorillas.

She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…

He: Just call in sick then.

A girl asks a boy: “Peter, how much do you love me?”

 

The boy looks her in the eyes, “Look up at the stars, that’s how much I love you.”

 

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

 

Boy nods, “Exactly!”

 

 

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

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