Blonde Jokes & Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes

Blonde Jokes

Blonde Jokes I’m so certain that a lot of people will like to hear some blonde jokes. Why would anyone want to make a blonde joke anyway?

Ask any blonde you know, it is believed that blonde jokes were invented by brunettes, jealous of Marilyn Monroe getting to have sex with JFK. Enough of the black jokes, take a look at some of the best funny blonde jokes that we found.

Short Blonde Jokes

 

  1. Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?

A: She didn’t want one for nights.

  1. Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?

A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.

  1. Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?

A: She was last years hide and seek winner.

  1. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

  1. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
  1. Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

  1. Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

  1. Q: What do you call a blonde with a brand new PC?

A: A dumb terminal.

  1. Q: Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand?

A: So brunettes can understand them.

  1. Q: How did the blond burn her ear?

A: The phone rang while she was ironing.

  1. Q: How does a blonde make instant pudding?

A: She places the box in the microwave and looks for the “instant pudding setting” button.

  1. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that went to the

library and checked out a book called “How to Hug”?

A: When she got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia.

 

  1. Q: What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box?

A: A case of empties.

  1. Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she

finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.

  1. Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
  1. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?

A: The vegetable garden.

  1. Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?

A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

  1. Q: Why won’t they hire a blonde pharmacist?

A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

  1. Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”

A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”

  1. Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech,vroom, screech?

A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

 

  1. Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?

A: Grade four.

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
  1. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

A: 144 blondes.

  1. Q:: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?

A: She threw it off a cliff.

  1. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

A: She fell out of the tree.

  1. Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?

A: To get chocolate milk.

  1. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a

box of Cheerios?

A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes
  1. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

  1. Q: Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

  1. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by

drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

 

  1. Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You don’t. They’re born that way.

  1. Q: Why couldn’t the blonde write the number eleven?

A: She didn’t know what number came first.

  1. Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her

intelligence gone?

A: Divorced.

  1. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a

lightbulb?

A: Tw:o. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call,

“Daaady!”

 

  1. Q: How do you get rid of blondes?

A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun and tell them

they are a firing squad.

  1. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and

a smart blonde are walking down the street when they

spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?

A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as

 

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

  1. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and

a smart blonde are walking down the street when they

spot a $10: bill. Who picks it up?

A: None of them, two don’t exist and the dumb blonde

thought it was a gum wrapper.

  1. Q:: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a

building, who hits the ground first?

A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for

directions.

  1. Q: How do blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone.

 

  1. Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but

why couldn’t they get in?

A: The sign said, “Must be 18 to enter”.

  1. Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?

A: Because blondes would have to think them up.

 

  1. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he

should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

A: “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

  1. Q: What did the blondG do when she heard that 90%

of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.

  1. Q: Did you hear about Pepsi’s new soda just for

blondes?

A: It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.

  1. Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands

towards theirs ears?

A: They’re refueling.

 

40 Hilarious Short Blonde Jokes

 

Blonde: What does IDK stand for?

Brunette: I don’t know

Blonde: Why doesn’t anyone know!

Why can’t a blonde dial 911? She can’t find the eleven.

How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.

What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? “Omg, donut seeds!”

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, ‘It’s dark in here isn’t it?’ The other replied, ‘I don’t know; I can’t see.’

What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ‘concentrate’.

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A blonde tried killing herself.

How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes

How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? Knock on the door.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?’ She replied, ‘The can said for best results apply 2 coats.’

How can you make a blonde go on the roof? Tell her that drinks are on the house.

Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.

Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

Why can’t blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

 

 

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.

One yells to the other, ‘How do you get to the other side?’

The other blonde replies, ‘You are on the other side!’

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.

Why did the blonde put water on her computer? To wash the Windows.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, It got cold so I turned off the fan.

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.

How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it’s mine.

A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, “Where did you get her?” The pig answers, “I won her at the fair.”

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

Blonde Jokes
Blonde Jokes

What’s a blondes idea of safe sex? Lock the car doors.

What do you call a really smart blonde? A golden retriever.

What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? “Oh look! Donut seeds!”

How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.

What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said

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