Best Funny Corny Jokes & Short Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes We have made a collection of some of the best funny corny jokes that will interest you, though some might sound cliché and probably old-fashioned, they will surely make you laugh out loud. These are clean jokes that will

Corny Jokes

Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look flushed

Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in!

Q: Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
A: Because he was a little shellfish

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce
and the tomato?

A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to

Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Worth, Height, Is He Dead?

Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

Q: Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earthrock?
A: Because it’s a little meteor

Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: He never lands!


Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!

Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
A: Look grandpa, no hands!

Q: What is an astronaut’s favourite place on a computer?
A: The Spacebar!

Q: Which month do soldiers hate most?
A: The month of March!

Q: What runs but doesn’t get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite

Q: What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
A: Remorse code.

Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
A: It was two-tired!

Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy

Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the

A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!

Q: What did the horse say when he fell?
A: Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up!

Q: What do they call cans in Mexico?
A: Mexi-cans

Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was out-standing in his field.

Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary?
A: “Smiles”, because there is a mile between each ‘s’

Q: When does Friday come before Thursday?
A: In the dictionary

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho-path.

Q: What kind of bird sticks to sweaters?
A: a Vel-Crow

Q: What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?
A: Oh Snap!

Q: What did one hat say to another?
A: You stay here, I’ll go on a-head

Q: What did the elder chimney say to the younger chimney?
A: You’re too young to smoke!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless.

Q: What do call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho Cheese

Q: What do you call four bullfighters standing in

A: Quattro Sinko

Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck

Q: Why couldn’t dracula’s wife get to sleep?
A: Because of his coffin.

Q. What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Cute Corny Jokes – Really Corny Jokes

Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying
in the sun?

I just love baskin’ robins.
Q: Why did the barber win the race?
A: Because he took a short-cut.

Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?
A: The dock

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!

Q: What is the best day to go to the beach?
A: Sunday, of course!

Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his

A: Because his friend said dinner is on me.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it’s over your head!

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.

Q: What did the man say to the wall?
A: One more crack like that and I’ll plaster ya!

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of
the closet?


Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Q: What happens if life gives you melons?
A: Your dyslexic

Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and

nothing but the tooth.

Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q: Who cleans the bottom of the ocean?
A: A Mer-Maid

Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.

Q: What do you get when you plant kisses?
A: Tu-lips (two-lips)

Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the

A: A stamp

Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Q: What kind of key opens a banana?
A: A monkey!

Q: What’s easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble

Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion

Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch-dog

Q: Why did the traffic light turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of

the street!

Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!

Q: What do you say when you lose a wii game?
A: I want a wii-match!

Q: How do you make an Octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles

Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A: Patty!

Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg!

Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A: A turkey!

Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He felt crummy!

Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the

A: A stamp.

Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!

Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them

Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon!

Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Q: How did the farmer mend his pants?
A: With cabbage patches!

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their

A: Firecrackers!

Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A: A private tutor

Cute Corny Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Scold who?

Scold enough out here to go ice skating.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Police who?

Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?

Cows go

Cows go who?

Cows go moo not who.

knock knock
who’s there


Andy who

Andy bit me again owwwwwwwwwwww.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?

Cow’s go

Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Cow’s go who?

Cow’s don’t go who, they go moo!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Etch who?

Bless you!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?


Merry who?

Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Orange who?

Orange you going to let me in?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?

I eat map.

I eat map who?


Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Adore who?

Adore is between us. Open up!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Harry who?

Harry up, it’s cold out here!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bathtub, It’s overflowing!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Otto who?

Otto know. I’ve got amnesia.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?

King Tut.

King Tut who?

King Tut-key fried chicken!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Robin who?

Robin the piggy bank again.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Abby who?

Abby birthday to you!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Corny Jokes

Corny Jokes

Anee, who?

Anee one you like!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?


Iva who?

I’ve a sore hand from knocking!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Claire who?

Claire the way, I’m coming through!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?


Arfur who?

Arfur got!

Short Corny Jokes

What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look! I’m about to change.

Why was the little strawberry crying?
His mom was in a jam.

What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeño business.

Why are frogs are so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.

How do you befriend a squirrel?
Just act like a nut.

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?
No? Really? It’s making headlines!

Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?
It was craving a well-balanced meal.

What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?
Lookin’ a little pail there.

Why do chicken coups always have two doors?
With four, they’d be chicken sedans.

What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
They kept dropping their trunks.

Short Corny Jokes

Short Corny Jokes

What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little hoarse.

What do you do if someone thinks an onion is the only food that can make them cry?
Throw a coconut at their face.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs wading in a pool?

What do cows most like to read?

How does a duck buy lipstick?
She just puts it on her bill.


What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?


What did the cop say to his stomach?
Stop! I’ve got you under a vest!

What do you call a snowman on a hot day?

What do you do with a sick boat?
Take is to the doc already.

What did the rubber band factory worker say when he was fired?
Oh, snap!

What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Park your car, man.

What did one shark say to the other as he ate a clownfish?
Well this tastes a little funny.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce?
Make a seizure salad.

What did the older chimney say to the younger one?
But you’re way too young to smoke!

Who do call when the ocean needs a little cleaning?
A mermaid, of course.

What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day?

Which plant rules the garden?
The dande-lion.

Why did the skeleton hit the party solo?
He had no body to go with him.

What does the cobbler say when a cat wanders into his shop?

Short Corny Jokes

Short Corny Jokes

Why was the poor guy selling yeast?
To raise some dough.

What’s a firefly’s favorite game?

Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?
His mummy, of course.

What do you call a pooch living in Alaska?
A chilly dog.

Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea weed.

How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer.

Did you hear about that wedding?
It was in-tents.

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He could feel his presents.

What do baby kangaroos wear when it’s cold out?

What kind of music to chiropractors listen to?
Mostly hip-pop.

What’s the most famous creature in the ocean?
The starfish.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Do not read it!

What do ants get when they do all their chores?
An allow-ants.

Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies?
They just don’t have the guts.

What did one egg say to the other?
Eggs-cuse me, please.


What’s so bad about Russian dolls?
They’re all so full of themselves.

Why doesn’t anyone want to shave a crazy sheep?
Cause it’s a baaaaaaaaaad idea.

What do clouds wear under their shorts?

What does a farmer say after feeding a stick of dynamite to his steer?
Abominable! [A-bomb-in-a-bull}

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
Because he was a little shellfish.

The Best Really Corny Jokes For Kids

Corny jokes are great! Yeah, they make you groan at their awful cheesiness. But we bet when you hear really corny joke you can’t wait to tell it to your friends. Even if it’s just to see them roll their eyes at how bad your joke is, it’s still funny just to watch their reaction.

And corny jokes aren’t just for kids either. After all, Dads are notorious for telling bad jokes!

With that in mind, we’ve gathered together a huge collection of all the best corny humor out there. Our Dads would be so proud of us!

How many lips does a flower have? Tu-lips.

How does a squid go into battle? Well armed.

What do you call a shoe made out of a banana? A slipper.

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.

What would bears be without bees? Ears.

How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.

Corny Jokes For Kids

Corny Jokes For Kids

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.

What lies at the bottom of the sea shaking? A nervous wreck.

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone.

What disease do you get when you put up the Christmas decorations? Tinselitus.

How do billboards talk? Sign language.

What do you call an unpredictable camera? A loose Canon.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.

How did the barber win the race? He knew a short cut.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.

Why is corn such a good listener? Because it’s all ears.

What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

What did the first plate say to the second plate? Dinner’s on me.

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.

Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s always lion.

When is a car not a car? When it turns into a street.

How does a rancher keep track of his cattle? With a cow-culator.

Have you heard about the pregnant bed bug? She’s going to have her baby in the spring.

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.

Why is there a wall around the cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Why could the bee not hear what people were saying? He had wax in his ears.

What’s E.T. short for? He’s got little legs.

It’s Jamaican hairstyle day at work tomorrow. I’m dreading it.

How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him down a mountain.

Corny Jokes For Kids

Corny Jokes For Kids

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You’re looking sharp.

What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race? Nothing. They fast.

What’s a didgeridoo? Whatever it wants to.

Did you hear about the sensitive burglar. He takes things personally.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

How do you stop moles digging in your garden? Hide the spade.

An Italian chef has died. He pasta way.

What does a nut say when it sneezes? Cashew.

Why did Santa study music at college? To improve his rapping skills.

How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eyes.

How do snails fight? They slug it out.

What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.

What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-astrophe.

Why shouldn’t you play cards on the savannah? Because of all the cheetahs.

Why don’t penguins like talking to strangers at parties? They find it hard to break the ice.

Did you hear about the population of Ireland’s capital? It’s Dublin.

How do you impress a female baker? Bring her flours.

Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.

Why did the mobile phone need glasses? It lost all it’s contacts.

What did the hat say to the scarf? You go ahead, I’ll hang around.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s pop corn?

What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless.

What did the chip say when he saw the cheese stealing? Hey, that’s Nachos.

Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his food? Because he was a little shellfish.

What do you call a boat with a hole in the bottom? A sink.

Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? Because he was on a roll.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels.

What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.

Why did the cookie go to the doctors? Because he felt crummy.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.

Why do bananas wear sun cream? To stop them from peeling.

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits.

What’s the difference between America and a memory stick? One’s USA and the other’s USB.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to smoke.

What’s a bear with no teeth called? A gummy bear.

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