Best Dirty Jokes
Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job still sucks.Best Dirty Jokes
Q: What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
A: A tearjerker.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Q: Why are Penises the lightest things in the world?
A: Even thoughts can raise them.
Q: What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
A: Finding out it was traced.
Q: Why didn’t the Toilet Paper cross the road?
A: It got stuck in a crack
Q: What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Pounder with Cheese
Q: How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper!
Q: What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
A: Two Test-tickles
Q: Do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q: What do a Rubik’s cube and a penis have in common?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Q: What does a perverted frog say?
Q: What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?
A: a PDF File
Q: What is the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: A Genealogist looks up your family tree, whereas a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.
Q: What’s green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frog’s finger
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.
Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A Pasta-tute
Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adam’s banana stand
Q: Whats the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking.
Q: What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say “Here, fill this out.”
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q: What do electric trains and women’s breasts have in common?
A: They were originally intended for children, but it’s the men who play with them the most.
Q: Whats long, hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine
Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
A: You can drop them off anywhere.
Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market?
A: Good morning ladies.
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A: They are both meat substitutes!
Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
Q: What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?
A: Papa Boner
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles
Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: By the taste
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating.
Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a promiscuous woman?
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What do George Zimmerman, OJ Simpson and Masturbation have in common?
A: Getting off once isn’t enough
Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his butt.
Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.
Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
A: I want you inside me!
Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68, at 69 you have to turn around.
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts!
Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually take time to search for a golf ball.
Q: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
A: Beat it. We’re closed.
Q: What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down?