Stupid Jokes Have you ever heard a joke so completely cringe-worthy that you can’t help but laugh at it? We’ve complied a whole list of them for your enjoyment! Not to mention that laughter is, supposedly, the best medicine for anything that weighs on you.
That being the case, get ready sample a few of the worst (best) puns, dad-jokes, and goofy riddles that Reddit has to offer.
Let’s start off with a couple punny jokes.
I find that whiteboards are remarkable. –mysuperlamename
I love painting. I’ll paint almost anything. Anything, except horizons. That’s where I draw the line. –shdwtrev
Why couldn’t the life guards save the hippie? He was too far out. –Dolphin_Farts
Here’s a joke for Alaskans and / or geography buffs:
My fourth grade teacher asked me what the capitol of Alaska was.
I told her I didn’t know.
She told me I did.
I disagreed, but she persisted. –actual_factual_bear
(The capitol of Alaska is Juneau, you know!)
If you send an e-mail to someone in jail, are you allowed to attach a file? –professorbrainiac
Any fans of the periodic table?
“Wanna hear a Potassium joke?”
It also works if they say no. –Coffeypot0904
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field. –KaboomBoxer
I’d still go to this zoo.
I went to the zoo the other day, but they only had one animal, and it was a dog.
It was a shihtzu. –Rommie557
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think one of them would have seen it. –Camzyy
Why do you only need one egg in french?
Because in french, one egg is an œuf. –jbkjbk2310
Every lame-joke list needs a few prime elephant gags!
A squirrel is living in a pine tree. One day he feels it shaking, looks down, and sees an elephant climbing the tree.
The squirrel asks: “What are you doing climbing my tree?”
“Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears,” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears.”
“Well I brought my own pears.” –Gerb-TBD
Q: How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag?
A: It’s easy, just take the “S” out of “safe” and the “f” out of “way”.
After a few minutes of confusion and insisting that the take the “f” out of way, they’ll usually get exasperated, and you respond with “Exactly. There’s no effin’ way”. –crckthsky
What did the elephant keep in his glove compartment?
Nothing. He only had a trunk. –GreenLightLost
The past, present, and future all walk into a bar at the same time.
It was tense. –sockfullofshit
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? Doyathinkhesaurus. –3shirts
There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They’re great for separating independent Clauses.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
How did Hitler tie his shoesies? With little knotsies!
What is Harry Potter’s favorite method of getting down a hill?
Walking… jk, rolling.
What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
No matter how kind you are, German children will always be Kinder.
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?
Ye’d think it be “R”, but a pirate’s first love will always be the “C”.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he never lands. I love this joke because it never gets old.
What do you call a walking nun? A roamin’ Catholic.
Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Two chickpeas are walking down the street when one chickpea starts to vomit.
The other chickpea asks, “Are you okay?” and the chickpea answers, “No, I falafel.”
The frustrated cannibal threw up his arms.
Why didn’t the Mexican archer fire his bow?
He didn’t habanero.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Were you there when the TV repairman got married?
The reception was excellent.
Did you hear about the dentist and the manicurist?
They fought tooth and nail.
My doctor told me I had type A blood…
But it was a Type- O.
Why were the Indians here first?
They had reservations.
Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
Because it’s two tired.
Why do ambassadors never get sick?
What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A hoarse doctor.
Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.
How did Hitler tie his laces?
In little Nazis.
If a seagull flies over the sea, what flies over the bay?
What happens to deposed kings?
They get throne away.
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
A palm tree.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What does a spy do when he gets cold?
He goes undercover.
What did the alien dandelion say to the Earth dandelion?
“Take me to your weeder!”
Why does lightning shock people?
Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
Why did the little boy sleep on the chandelier?
Because he was a light sleeper.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
How do you tickle a rich girl?
Say “Gucci Gucci Gucci!”
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What is copper nitrate?
Overtime for policemen.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes?
You can’t venom all.
How do you change tires on a duck?
With a quackerjack.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and Squeak.
What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew chew train.
When does a boat show affection?
When it hugs the shore.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Which president was least guilty?
Lincoln. He is in a cent.
Why are rivers always rich?
Because they have two banks.
What is the purpose of reindeer?
It makes the grass grow, sweetie.
What did the guitar say to the musician?
“Pick on someone your own size!”
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
What do you call two people in an ambulance?
A pair of medics.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
What time is it when it is time to go to the dentist?
What must you know to be an auctioneer?
What do you call a cow who gives no milk?
A milk dud.